You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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