ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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