Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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