Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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