So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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