Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
