last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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