he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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