my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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