she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
