Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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