Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
