I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila