i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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