I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.