I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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