help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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