Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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