saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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