My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize