So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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