Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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