Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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