I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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