Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
