bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
