My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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