Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
