I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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