I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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