I'm sorry my penis didn't work
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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