Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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