if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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