i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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