She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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