Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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