I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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