and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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