Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
