I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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