***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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