last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
