Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
