girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
