What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
