i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
