ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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