You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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