Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
