some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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