Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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