Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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