I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
