you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
