And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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