Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize