help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
