its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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