Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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