For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
