I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
