brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
