I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
