I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize