Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
