This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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