Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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