so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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