omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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