Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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