Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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