Me. At least after what I've been through.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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