life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
