Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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