whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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