You just made me feel so damn special
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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