I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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