Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
