Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
