It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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