party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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