We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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