Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
